7.22.2017

on disappearing


I am nothing. I am fading.  faded.
I am the pieces of dust on the dashboard, the list of unopened messages.
I am not the withering plant, but not the blooming one.
I am the guitar picks lost in your room. useful, but replaced and not needed.
I am not worthless, I know that much.
but just nothing.
and I have my own adventures.
and my own ideas and worlds and plans.
but do they exist?

and it is okay to be nothing, I think,
it is better to feel hurt quietly than to cause it for someone else.

silence buzzes in my ears.
tomorrow feels rather empty.

(written right before disappearing.
it is home now
the quiet fog.)

learning to feast on God's word.
to let it fill me.
and flourish.
I made excuses, even recently.  but in reality, in the day to day, I am just never enough.
and that is ok.







8 comments:

  1. Wow, I feel these words. That's me too. But it's about learning to run to Him, and find security there. I appreciate your openness, Randy, and I hope you feel surrounded by His love during this time. xx

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  2. How can I always relate to everything you write so deeply?

    ps. i happen to think that you're a heck of a lot more than nothing

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  3. this post is so so dear to my heart, because i feel everything, but yet we have a big God who loves us with a big love. learning to feast on God's word <3 Learning to run to him and learn from Him. love this post, randy.

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  4. Is that your song? Either way, it was beautiful :)

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  5. OK BUT CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN HOW YOUR WORDS LITERALLY CRUSH MY SOUL??? LIKE...I CAN'T I'M SPEECHLESS I'M DONE.

    "I am not the withering plant, but not the blooming one.
    I am the guitar picks lost in your room. useful, but replaced and not needed."
    <<< what just happened to my heart. OUCH.

    p.s. that song is freaking beautiful holy dang

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  6. YOU KILL MEEEEEE, GIRL <3 The photos, these words and everything about you just crazy, wicked awesome, beautiful <3<3<3

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  7. hey babe. i love you. and i am home, and i have an aching to send you the other half of my letter. lolz. keep seeking Him, kid. i find bravery in the courage He has placed in you.
    loves. x

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  8. I LOVE THIS. I especially love the end when it says, "I made excuses, even recently.  but in reality, in the day to day, I am just never enough.
    and that is ok."
    God is so good in the way He pursues us, and that can be enough for us. In the midst of confusion around us, I am thankful He is our peace

    I just followed your blog, and I hope you will check out mine if you have a chance <3

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