vanished in the snow

took november off from blogging because of national novel writing month.  (i met the word count goal but is anything ever really complete? :))

there have been so many changes, both externally and internally.
thanksgiving day came and went right after staring a new job.
(so many things // so different this year)

after a few weeks rest off the road, some decisions and some stress, Christmas tour is in full swing.
eight shows in two and a half weeks. 
i love this so much.
and Christmas music.
and this time of the year in general.

on the road? it doesn't ever haunt me.  at least not in the way the boy with the blond hair asked inside the of song he sent me.
trying to be 'normal'?
that's what gets me.

waking up at the white house this morning, there was a bit of snow on the ground. 
the first snow.
it was coming down and swirling around yesterday while driving up the empty highway. but (like other things recently) i had little hope for it's lasting.
but there was a slight frozen glimmer as golden light filtered over treetops, and the black dog and i tasted the bitter bite of single digit temperatures.

things are moving too fast and sometimes feel very strange

i am stuck in that in-between time.
summer is gone but autumn isn't quite here in all glory.
the air is slightly funny, murky despite the wind.
a small, sad tree limb hangs broken and bent, swaying with green/yellow leaves.

next week is November.
rain and cold will come overnight.
things are moving too fast and sometimes feel very strange,
and I sit on the big porch of the white house
thinking; 'last year at this time...two years ago...three...(etc)
streetlights blink on as light fades.

down the street
there is a big man with a nail gun in the yellow porch light.
the next time I look up, there is also the tall boy with dark hair.
they speak and work, but the nail/word sounds are lost in the wind.

my converse shoes are silent on the concrete
a small plane engine is above.  a vehicle passes.
things are moving too fast and sometimes feel very strange.
i reach the back door
it is locked.
the people inside the white house
didn't even realize i left.

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SUMMER 2016 IN FILM

may thru labor day // the new puppy // friends, sisters

SO MANY SUNSETS // SO MANY ADVENTURES

those afternoons with my head in the clouds, the wild haze, the backseat views while the two girls sang along loudly from the front seat.  alive.alive.alive. wow what a summer to be alive.
we climbed a hill. i stood alone in a field. a dream became a reality. i tasted tomorrow.

(life is not all good.  hope were dashed, nights were long, change tasted sour in the back of my throat.
discontentment wove its way in and out of my veins, most seconds.
but let's look back, let us remember the good, let us dwell on the blessing.)

always blessings.  always adventures.  always alive.
big fan of this crazy year 2k16 :)

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every lesson is good

REMEMBER WHEN

all those things were said

- and like -

i believed them?

(silly me)

everywhere

there are ghosts.

song titles and folders in my email.

I   A M   L E A R N I N G

this is a topic, a phrase, a word

that keeps sliding into my mind/feelings/heart and HOPE

funny how we never ever ever ever stop learning things.

hey, I've been learning a lot about time and people and how they think and why and a lot about myself, too.
and growing up things too.  like how i need to sleep a little more or talk a little less to that person, or just how cool it looks to mark my calendar in just the color orange.

what have you guys been learning?

i hope it's been good. (every lesson is good)

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choices and changes ~

the shadow of a idea,

the swirling whisper of a dream,

the absence of a person,

and suddenly

I was voicing a thought over the kitchen table the next morning.

the dear one stopped walking

and we conversed for a bit before I had to rush off.

(but when I left, it was with a smile)

*JUST EXISTING* IS NOT OKAY

i am learning to thrive // not just survive.

i am learning to serve Him // not just be around them.

(i gave her my two weeks notice yesterday afternoon)

and tonight as the long weekend stretched before me

my arms wrapped around my legs and early fall wind in my hair

tipping my head back to drink in the sight of so many stars

i  f e e l   s o 

a f r a i d

b u t

f r e e ~

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